Borrowed

And he said

that it’s normal.

That it’s a human reaction.

But I’m dizzy

from this spiralling.

Oh this everlasting spiralling

Singing borrowed melodies

From a mind

seeking

trying

never finding.

Speaking borrowed words

from a mind repeating

like a heart beating.

Carbon copies of ghosts from before

I don’t know

whose thoughts

are in my head

anymore.

And I can’t speak when my head is blocked

like words trapped

in the seams of a book that I lost.

And he said

I’m making anxiety

into a living entity.

Like it has a hold on me.

Oh, it has a hold on me.

Constantly

regretting

reflecting

on all of my wrongs.

Continuous consciousness

becomes numbness

blurs focus

and I’ll fall deep into suppressing.

Then

a mis-step into distress and it seems like a blessing to feel something

To Feel

Something

when I’m scrambling for possession

of any part of me.

So

control becomes an obsession

A distraction from reality

I’m flailing

I’m failing.

I’m losing

my grasp

on this

fleeting

objectivity.

Speaking borrowed words

from a mind repeating

like a heart beating.