Cells escaping

Is my body rejecting something we created supposed to be some sort of symbolism?

Should I be reading deeper,

close the book

or turn the pages quicker?

Because

I want to skip through this bit

fast forward for at least a chapter

because it hurts

and every day comes

baring threats

of impending disaster

right now.

It’s like I’ve lost control of my body

and my mind.

And it feels fucking pathetic

and lonely

and bleak.

Like I’m suspended in time.

Everything happening

around me

To me.

And I can’t even cry properly.

One solitary tear

trickles so slowly down my cheek

it feels like even my tear ducts are making a mockery of me

That my eyes are in on it

too.

Slowing down time

while I float

and

wait

for my body,

hanging in limbo.

My mind,

vacant

or

blurry

or

drifting back to you.

As it does.

And

the now

Well,

it seems like an eternity.

Not

one

part

of this

feels tangible.

And

I don’t want to put this on you.

I didn’t want to share it

because it’s just as much an accident that you fell into your body

As I fell into mine.

But

it’s felt like falling

Oh. It’s felt like falling

inside this body

all of the time.

But accidental as it is

you don’t have the literal fall out

the pain

the sudden

unannounced

emotional strain

or

tears falling

at random

again and again

As you navigate

our

cells

escaping

your body.

But

I don’t feel loss.

I feel out of control

numb

I feel empty

and overflowing

all at once.

Too exhausted to think

Really think.

Or talk.

I feel like a puppet

But no one’s

really

got hold of the strings.

So if this is fucking symbolism

if this is a sign

I expect I’ll be ignoring it

Or

walking straight into it

as is my

continuous

avoidant

clumsy

Self-made

paradigm.