Endless revelations

Endless revelations leaving me reeling.

I need a change.

Transitions to an alternate life in the air, but I’m failing to commit to it. Flailing aimlessly in the breeze, like some weak willed dead leaf that can’t bare to let go of the branch that shed it long ago.

Constantly making fundamentally opposing life changing decisions and then immediately reversing them in favour of something easier, or something I want more. In the moment.

I’m definitely done with that for good. Except for this one exception. And I repeat it to myself. That and then later, the excuse. This story I tell myself and others. This constantly evolving chain of excuses I emit are making the final decisions difficult to maintain. I know I appear like a phoney. Like I’ve got one of those glasses/nose/moustache disguises on and I’m pretending I’m oblivious.

Out in the world again.

Why didn’t I learn last time?

Clearly not ready to escape. But I’m desperate to. It’s as if this place has become the rule I want to break.

Let me go.