Shopping

It happens on days

when I feel most empty

When my fragile mind

can’t settle

it focuses on things

I don’t want or need.

It gives way to

distraction,

consumption,

greed.

It’s somehow easier

to embed myself

in consumerism.

Surround myself

with offers

that seep

surreptitiously

into my psyche

with adverts

that appear to breathe

chip away

at my ambition

and

distract me

from my dreams.

Scream at me

while I stand

confused

empty hearted

empty headed

empty handed.

This

is

somehow

easier

than to fill my heart

with all it needs.

A thought that can’t be silenced

fills the empty space around me.

And somehow

I’m walking aimlessly

in a dreamlike state

and yet distracted,

over stimulated,

distressed.

Conflicted,

making empty promises

to myself.

And somehow

another day passes.

How did I get here?

Why did I come here?

Sleepwalking

back

into a constructed reality

that was never meant for me.

Yet somehow

holds me

at its mercy.