Open boxes

sometimes

I rise from my bed

but the day doesn’t begin

only merges with the last

silently underlining the tangle I’m in.

the morning

fails to awaken me

as always

my day unravels

in a chain

of constant, useless activities.

Much is undertaken

nothing is achieved.

time contracts,

time expands

it doesn’t matter.

There is no end.

on my floor

lie a hundred open boxes

bottomless.

inside

they are scattered

haphazardly

with a million interconnected tasks.

But when I contemplate them

they are entirely independent, separate, unrelated

each with their own intricate web of ideas

half started,

half finished.

time contracts,

time expands

it doesn’t matter.

There is no end.

I don’t eat

for hours

even when hunger bites

at my insides

clutches my body

and interrupts every thought

I am trapped

forever entwined

in an unravelling list

with no beginning or finish line.

time contracts,

time expands

it doesn’t matter.

There is no end.

and outside

another list of tasks

set by friends, family,

banks, work, companies

they all want something from me,

they all want something from me.

they want to know

why every day

[time contracts,

time expands]

all they see

is an elaborate disarray

a nonsensical

carefully plotted

disastrous display

of nothing happening

all around me.

Again and again and again.

time contracts,

time expands

it doesn’t matter.

There is no end.

but where do I start?

when I have an infinite universe

forever expanding

inside

and then I am late

I am unreliable

inadequate

ungrateful

anxious, uncertainI am an uncomfortable truth

you thought you’d tucked away behind a curtain

heavy drapery

billows daintily

as if to tease…

But it weighs down on me.

today,

tomorrowbefore

Forever.

It weighs down on me.

Time contracts,

time expands

it doesn’t matter.

There is no end.